It is quite essential for parents to ensure that the first few months of their infant’s life is well-managed so that their infant will have an ideal attachment pattern. Parents who are attuned sensitively to their baby will develop a secure attachment. Thus, developing secure attachment will enable children to regulate their own emotions a lot better. At the same time, they will feel more confidence when exploring the environment and be more caring and emphatic compared to those who have insecure attachment.
On the other hand, a considerable amount of distress will be caused by parents who are so distant, intrusive, and unaccustomed. For this reason, children will be able to build a defensive attachment strategy so that they can adapt to a rejecting environment so that they will feel safe. They will also do this because they want to get rid of the pain and frustration as well as tone down some intense emotional conditions.
Understanding Children with Avoidant Attachment Patterns
Basically, parents of this type of children are often not around to address their needs. Sometimes, they ignore or disregard them or reject them particularly when their children is sick or hurt. Moreover, they tend to mask their lack of response by expressing they do not want to spoil their children by giving them too much attention or affection. Moreover, they are often discouraged to cry and encouraged to be independent prematurely.
Thus, a child with avoidant attachment pattern can learn early to conquer their natural yearning for their parents the moment they need comfort when distressed, frightened or in agony. Many children who have avoidant attachment patterns often become too reliant on self-nurturing and self-soothing behaviors so they can cope with the pain of having troubled emotions and being rejected.
Additionally, they will be able to acquire a life orientation that is pseudo-independent and keep the illusion that they are able to take care of themselves. Hence, they tend to have little motivation or desire to look for other people for support or assistance.
Children Behavior Associated with Avoidant Attachment Pattern
Many children and even toddlers who have avoidant attachment are self-contained that they express total self-reliance by discouraging support or help from others. They also do not want to show their desire for affection, closeness, love, or warmth.
One theorist specialized in attachment patterns has conducted an experiment observing the responses of one-year olds upon the experience of separation and reunion. It was found out that the infants tend to avoid or resist to have contact with their mother when she came back to the room. When parents are removed or distant, even at a very young age, they intuitively select the emotion that their parents do not have the intent to get to know them leaving them with such a deep feeling of emptiness.
Emotionally Isolated and Hostile
Children who are older tend to become more aggressive, hostile, and isolated compared to their peers. Oftentimes, they become the bully who victimizes or picks on other kids at school. So when they turn to adolescents, they become disliked and unpopular by teachers and classmates. At the same time, they become less involved with teens and family having secure attachments.