One of the four attachment styles that have been identified in adults is fearful-avoidant attachment style. Attachment is a sort of bond between a child and a primary caregiver which extends to a person’s adulthood and his or her different aspects of relationships such as romantic and friendship.
An individual with fearful-avoidant attachment style is someone who has a negative view of himself and of others. For a person with this attachment style feels that he or does not deserve or is unworthy another person’s love and attention. Conversely, other people are also undeserving of his or her love. This is a result of the fearful-avoidant person’s assumption of being rejected by others. Consequently, avoidance of being closely involved or intimate with another individual becomes a normal practice in order to protect oneself from being hurt.
Although this attachment style can be likened to the dismissive attachment style in a way that both are not comfortable with nurturing relationships or being attached to another human being, a fearful-avoidant person has a negative notion of oneself and as such, he or she tends to depend on other people for approval. And though at first, this person fears getting too close or intimate to a partner, this individual will be too attached to and dependent on his or her partner.
One of the characteristics of an individual with fearful-avoidant attachment style is having ambivalent feelings when it comes to relationships. This is because as much as this individual wants to protect himself or herself from rejection by distancing from other people who are potential romantic partners, this person also has a yearning to be in a serious relationship. This characteristic can be seen in a person’s desire to be in a relationship and at the same time avoids letting someone get into his or her life or in case he or she will be in a relationship, this individual becomes uncomfortable to open up completely and let another person in for the fear of getting hurt in the long run.
With the negative feeling about oneself, a person with this attachment style becomes overly dependent on his or her partner that he or she tries to avoid arguments or conflicts while at the same time does not find it easy to trust somebody else. Moreover, this person’s being vulnerable, nurturing and demonstrative to a partner is often conditional, that is, if he or she gets the assurance that positive response will be earned.
With being fearfully attached, when this person starts to build a relationship with another, insecurity sets in and more time and effort is invested by the person not for showing or demonstrating his or her feelings, emotionally and physically but in worrying and over analyzing the relationship.
Being with a partner who has a fearful-avoidant attachment style or being the fearfully avoidant person is not easy. This is why it is important to know the signs of this attachment style to determine how to handle the challenges in one’s romantic relationship.