People differ from each other not only in physical appearance and character traits. They also have differences when it comes to attachment styles or their romantic relationships with their partners and other people they interact with. In psychology, there are four attachment styles, namely: secure, anxious-preoccupied, dismissive-avoidant and fearful-avoidant. In this particular discussion, we will expound on dismissive-avoidant attachment disorder style.
During the 1960s and 1970s, the attachment theory between parents and children were initially studied. However, in the 1980s, the attachment styles of adults were also studied. Research about the attachment theory was first centered between caregivers and children but Phillip Shaver and Cindy Hazan extended this theory of attachment in adults, expressing that there are similarities when it comes to interactions between children and their caregivers and between adults. Thus, one of the adult attachment styles known as dismissive-avoidant came to be.
What Is The Dismissive-Avoidant Attachment Style?
There are two avoidant attachments styles. These are fearful-avoidant and dismissive-avoidant. It is said that people with either of these styles regard intimacy as dangerous and that other people are unreliable that being intimate with them is not important. In adults, this style of attachment that can be seen in the way they deal with friends, other people and romantic partners. The person with a dismissive-avoidant attachment style has a mentality that he or she is not in need of other people and can survive being alone or does not need to depend on another for happiness or completeness as a person. Although both avoidant attachment styles are practiced by people who were trained not to rely on their caregivers while growing up, the dismissive type of person learned to cope with this by opting not to be too intimate or emotional when it comes to relationships. These are people who tend to be cold in their relationships and can are not too clingy or attached. Here are a look at some of the noticeable traits of adults with dismissive-avoidant attachment disorder style.
Individuals who have learned to apply this attachment style are those people were not too attached to their parents while they were young. These children grew up and became familiar with this type of attachment that when it came to new relationships and how they interact with others, they try to avoid being too emotionally attached or intimate. They have a feeling of discomfort when it comes to physical contact, intimacy and even romantic gestures to their partners. This type of people may consider the importance of friendship in their romantic relationships but when it comes to sexual acts or showing affection, they find it hard to be all out just so they can remain comfortable in their relationships. People who are considered to be dismissive-avoidant are seen as loners and people who are impersonal and more objective.
2. Aversion to Intimacy and Physical Attachment
Adults with this attachment style fear rejection and cope with it by opting to not being involved in close relationships and when it comes to dealing with attachments, physical and emotional, they tend to move away.
3. Overly Focused on One’s Comfort
People with dismissive-avoidant attachment style are more interested of their own comfort to the point of not being sensitive to the feelings of other people. They have the coping mechanism of hurting others than being hurt. These are also the type of people who find it daunting to open up their feelings to their partners. And when it comes to discussions and arguments that are normal in romantic relationships, they tend to walk away or be aloof.
4. Use Repression
Dismissive-avoidant people deal with loss and separation in several ways. While there are those who are able to stay within their goals and the issues at the moment, there are those who prefer to cope with it on their own. This is to hide their vulnerability and instead cope with conflicts by repressing their feelings. Moreover, rather than expressing directly what they have in mind, they tend to turn to their partners by complaining and sulking. In a nutshell, they find it easier to express negative feelings than express positive ones, with the extreme type, with no capability to describe their feelings at all and express them in words.
5. Less Recollection of Memories
Adults with dismissive-avoidant attachment can say that they have loving parents and have a happy childhood. However, these people find it hard to recall the details of the happy memories of their childhood or the good traits of their parents. These are also the kind of people who will seldom talk about themselves and their past relationships.
6. Manipulate Responses
People with the dismissive-avoidant attachment style tend to refuse to get into detailed discussions and often avoid instances where he or she needs to answer questions that prompt assurance in relationships. In order to do this, these adults use different distancing strategies and can be determined with the following actions:
- These people often think and say that they are not yet ready for a commitment when their relationships are doing well and ready to go to the next level or be more serious.
- They tend to trigger or start jealousy in their relationships by being close to others.
- Dismissive-avoidant people find faults on their partners even in littlest things like the way the other dresses up, eats and even talks.
- They find it hard to say the words “I love you” or are uncomfortable saying these words to their partners although they imply they are interested in their partners.
- In order to avoid long-term commitment or have a secure one, a person with this attachment style can have a relationship with a married person.
The different styles of attachment are often developed in childhood and extended in adulthood. This is why people in relationships deal with conflicts differently. Having said this, it is important to know the attachment style a person has and that of his or her partner. This way, relationships can be clearer and he or she will know how to deal with important people in their lives.